Finality

Water-Vs.-Air-Fantasy-Battleground-1920x1080-wallpaperz.coNo good deed goes unpunished, they said. I wish that phrase never existed, I said. Then again, even if the phrase never existed, the moral dilemma connected to that phrase would live on forever.

I admit, I’m a scatterbrain; an absent-minded fool. I forget things almost instantly. I don’t remember names, only faces. People always have to repeat things they’ve said twice for me to register or ‘hear’. When I’m busy with something, for instance reading a book or writing something down on a piece of paper, I actually don’t hear anything when someone speaks to me directly. It just sounds like an audible blur. Thus, repeat. When someone wakes me up early in the morning to ask some favor of me, I have to call them later on to explain to me what they have said, for I remember only shattered phrases, some of which makes no sense at all. I think that happens to anyone when the brain is still asleep. This is who I am, part of my character. My cousin once told me that I need not be ashamed of my eccentricity although it might inspire some problems. I can’t do anything about it, and I won’t rely on medicine to ‘clear’ my brain or ‘help’ me think straight. I can think straight, but on my own terms. I have a very short attention span, and sometimes I even have difficulty reading my follower’s posts. Sometimes I just don’t, although I can read one book after the other. It’s a constant war between who and what I am against the frail edge of sanity? patience? acceptance? Pick one.

I have been hurt very badly today because of who I am. Love is not the big issue here, I don’t believe in that, but camaraderie, friendship, the strong adopted bonds with people I came to see as family, believing there is still some good in people who had it bad. Hell, believing there is still some good in people, end. Impatience killed the dog. Anyone can turn on you when the heat gets rough, there is no denying. Self preservation is the strongest form of selfishness; sometimes good, sometimes bad. So, I’m asking, is it my fault getting hurt? I would believe so, for no single being on this entire godforsaken planet is responsible for my decisions but myself. I let people into my life, I let people get to know me, open my trust and all. The only thing about building a friendship is that you will never know how it will end. There is no way of knowing at all. Someone has to get hurt. Why not the one who gives himself completely to making things work?

I’m done. I think the only way for weak people – people who care the most, trust the most, work the most – to survive such ordeals is to detach themselves completely from any emotions. Emotions are based on what one feel. Take feeling out, rip it away, and for once, be peaceful.

That will be all . . .

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24 thoughts on “Finality

  1. I hear you. And I know what you mean.
    One can’t, however, live without emotions. One can only learn how to bury them so deep they only come out when one opens the door.
    Also not the ideal way to live, an makes for much difficulty, but not much hurt.
    Then again, as my dude always said. If you don’t reach the lows, you will never reach the highs either.
    The choice is always your own…
    Liked the tune…

  2. u have portrayed raw emotions out here…i admire the honesty in accepting these details πŸ™‚ a true friend is one who would accept you the way you are…so keep forgetting..the ones who are meant to be with u will live with ur memory πŸ™‚

    • Thank you. I’m not thinking about changing, so I’m taking nothing to the grave πŸ˜‰ So just call it Mayers with a capital M. It’s a new word you can use! A term of your own invention. Stick with it. Someday people will catch up and use the same, just according to their own birth month . . . Like Aprillers . . . Marchers . . . Juners . . . you see. I like that type of word inventions, so 10/10!!

      • i loved the optimism in ur thoughts…ok Mayers is the word for us…now u wont forget my birthday i can be assured..for the record i celebrate every 3rd..so technically i have birthday all round the year,.u can wish me whenever u remember πŸ™‚ πŸ˜›

        and u r good the way you are πŸ™‚ at least i have no complains… πŸ™‚

      • You celebrate your birthday every month? Well, the whole year counts, right, no matter what stupid day that is . . . I don’t celebrate my birthday, at all. My phone will remind me of yours, though . . . πŸ˜‰

      • hahha…i always smile from the core of my heart when i get a birthday wish…
        i make my friends wish me almost 100 days a year πŸ™‚
        but you should celebrate it at least once…if u remember me till may 30th, i will pass on my enthusiasm to you πŸ™‚

      • No way . . . Well, that is what makes you happy, and if you want a birthday wish every day, so be it, hey? I will die, so . . . shit, just broke my own rule. Well, no big. πŸ˜‰

      • i could not quite follow…why are u talking of dying…and God if u wish me daily u will be my best friend πŸ™‚ πŸ˜›

        and i am good at sharing my birthday enthusiasm… πŸ™‚

      • I don’t have much enthusiasm on birthdays, but I do like to buy gifts all the time. One time I made a slideshow presentation for a friend with old photo’s, and she cried. πŸ˜‰ Sorry, the ‘die’ thing was an incomplete thought. I’d die if someone wishes me a happy birthday every day. . . πŸ˜›

      • awww…u r such a sweet sugar :))

        hahha men will be men,..u all are so afraid of emotions πŸ™‚

        i also have a winter birthday πŸ˜›

        and i bet if u keep talking t me daily…there will be a time when u will be looking forward to ur birthday…not flaunting but i do have that affect on ppl πŸ˜›

      • Actually, I love emotions. That is, with other people. I don’t know how to show it but with gifts, but when I see happiness and affection and love and sadness in other people’s eyes, especially children, I’d write books about it! πŸ˜›

      • aww…such a softie πŸ™‚
        u have a lot of shades Richter πŸ™‚
        am so glad i met u…We MAYERS certainly rock πŸ™‚

      • aww…such a softie πŸ™‚
        u have a lot of shades Richter πŸ™‚
        am so glad i met u…We MAYERS certainly rock πŸ™‚

      • Shades is but the fiber that creates a being. One shade is boring, right? Now, if you have different shades, it creates a whole different picture, don’t it? I would think so! πŸ˜€ You are the only Mayer I know, so it will be great to join the club. πŸ˜‰

      • yeah i love a confluence of multiple shades…my fav ones are all shades of pink, red and yellow πŸ˜› m quote a handful ain’t it..??

        and yeah welcome to Mayers, Mayer πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

        i am looking forward to occasional wishes and gifts πŸ™‚

      • I have to log out now, My weekend has almost started, and I don’t go on the internet during weekends. But I will catch you on FB during the weekend, you know, via the messaging bit! Have a lovely day, miss LC Mayer, catch you on FB!! πŸ˜‰

      • aww…i was havin my dinner….no worries m a regular at facebook…will make sure u remember me…and if u wish me every third…boy u r in my golden books πŸ™‚

        and i love the name LC Mayer… superb naming…
        have a good day Mayer:)

      • and oh yes..i forgot to mention gifts are always welcome πŸ˜› πŸ˜›
        a happy birthday post…a picture…i love ’em all πŸ˜›
        and u can misspell in my posts too…i wont shoot u for that either πŸ˜› πŸ˜›

      • hahhahah such a stickler for spelling,.
        remember how u made me grin from ear to ear with a few misspelt words …sometimes, it is good to type just like that..
        c dis for example.. .”nfsgnhmjim”

      • hahha dun sweat it out..it means nothing except that i was messing with ur brain…i just typed random letters πŸ˜›

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